January 2014 Empathy Vs. One-upping

There must be a very fine line between empathy and "one-upping".  Apparently very fine because there are a hell of a lot of people who can't see it.  If you think about it, it takes self-esteem, self-worth, security in self, abilities, strength to show empathy.  If not, you're trying to gain empathy by "one-upping" it makes me actually feel sorry for them--EMPATHY?  That's better than anger.  I was expecting others to make me feel better about this, comfort me, support, etc. and they're not, they can't because they seem to be wanting the same from me.  There really is only one who wants nothing more than to see me happy, to succeed in this life, wants nothing else, My Savior.  I'm finally starting to accept this.  When you call or come by once a week or when you think about it, that's seeking comfort for yourself, peace of mind.  If you really sought to comfort me, you'd be here everyday.  He is.
Women are "one-uppers" just sit in a room with a few of them and start talking about labor and delivery.  you actually won't get far before getting cut off by one of them having to cut in about their experience and pretty soon all women are cutting each other off, sharing their horror or honor (whatever the case may be) each trying to "one-up" the story before.  I know because I'm probably the most guilty of this.  We tell ourselves, "We are connecting with each other" but if we were honest, we are one upping.  If we were connecting or empathizing we would let our fellow sister share and not be thinking when to jump in and out do her 24 hours of straight pushing or better yet, "I didn't push at all" and wait to be asked about ours.  The problem is, we would probably never be asked.  When I start sharing my experience I am inadvertently saying, "My experience is more important than yours." Or possibly, "I want you to care about mine."  These communications or interactions seem harmless and really are until you are talking with a grieving mother.  When people share their experience in an effort to connect, I'm internalizing it as, "They want me to care about their experience." I then think they don't care about mine.  I think, "They need me to make them feel better about their situation." Instead of feeling supported, I feel overwhelmed and guilty.  I leave feeling worse but they might feel better.  Not all encounters are like this.  Those women who sit, and listen, and even though they have issues and trials of their own, they will genuinely "wait to be asked" knowing and being ok that I won't because I can't.  When a woman tells me she thought of me when her dog almost died or son left on a mission, she's taking that pain and trying to compare or "one-up".  Of course she can't and she must know this but yet they still feel so compelled to share it will me so that i can make her feel better about it.  If she were really trying to connect, she would realize "I can't" and simply listen or say "I was thinking of you the other day..." the end.  Don't tell me about your damn dog and certainly don't compare that situation to mine!  Holy shit! When you say, "When my so-and-so died..." I start thinking I have to care about your so-and-so and right now I really don't which is why I didn't call you to ask about them.  Instead, just say, "What can I do for you?" "What can I do to ease your pain in anyway." if you can't do that because of time, etc. just simply say, "I love you and I'm so sorry you are going through this." and drop off a Diet Coke.