Jan. 28, 2014 Facebook Post

January 28, 2014 FB Post:  A friend encouraged me yesterday to continue to post even though I've had reservations and have talked myself out of it for a couple weeks. "Nobody really cares anymore or will understand regardless." I realize this is the evil side of grief talking because I would care and want to know (even if I couldn't completely comprehend) if my friend or family member were going through this. How are they feeling at this point? What do they need? Do I talk with them about the weather? I won't attempt to give answers in a single FB post but there are things that I do want my FB support team to know so when you see me you don't talk with me about the weather:) I want you to know I no longer wear makeup because it smears or washes away with my tears by the time I arrive to school every morning....even if it's waterproof. If I reapply at lunch it's off during my planning period following lunch when I'm alone in my classroom. I can't get eyeliner tattooed on because I would have to go 3 days without crying and I haven't gone 1 day yet since Gracie's accident. I want you to know empathy doesn't require you having a similar or even related experience. It's pointless to try and share a related experience (unless I specifically ask you about it) because I would just view you as trying to "one-up" me and not see it as showing empathy at all. Saying "I'm so sorry...I'm thinking of you..." or giving me a hug or a diet coke or simply pressing "like" lets me know you care about me and what I'm continuing to endure. I feel no different in my ability to cope most days than I did the weeks following the funeral yet the expectation others have of me is to do normal things because they are back to normal. The difference for me is I've learned the art of distraction and I've learned it's pointless to wear makeup.