Jan. 30, 2014 Journal Entry: Unrealistic Expectations

So I went to therapy and I'm officially depressed which is very normal on the scale of grief.  I decided I have to get rid of anything or anyone who make me feel worse or at least confront it to protect what little stability I have left.  In doing this I've draw the line in the sand with a certain "friend".  I just can't have her comparing her trials or voids in her life (which she calls grief) with mine.  It's a void, not a loss and she just can't compare or pretend to relate.  It just makes me crazy when she tries.  I told her it was offensive.  She got defensive but ultimately it's for the best.  I just have to rid my heart of anger so I can feel the spirit.  I went to bed Wednesday night and had a feeling and thought, "Unrealistic expectations." Either I have unrealistic expectations of others or myself or both?  Either way, I need to be more realistic with my expectations and rid myself of the pressure from those who have unrealistic expectations of me.  The following day I got the most amazing email from Aaron.  He totally felt my same emotions one night in the middle of the nights and couldn't sleep, couldn't function at work.  He had to write me about it before he could focus--Sound Familiar?  It was very validating with the main message being, "Just do your best."  Around that same time, Rob drove all the way up just to drop off a case of Diet Coke with a message "Keep Positive."  It's so much more than a Diet Coke (or 12).  He drove up, he was thinking of me, so aware, he took a few hours out of his day to do that.  I started thinking of brothers and the love I felt for them because of their love, care and concern for me.  I then thought of my Older Brother.  I thought of my Savior and his obvious care and concern for me.  Jody had also sent a care package after our last text conversation.  She said she felt Gracie was guiding her to act.  She knows I've had a hard time feeling Gracie and wanted me to know Gracie is here.  She commented this on FB and my friend Julie saw.  Julie then shared her experience with feeling her husband's spirit.  She said he was constantly with her so she couldn't feel it as much because she was used to it.  Yet others didn't have it constantly so they could feel the prompt more profoundly when they did.  It wasn't until 2 years later when his spirit would begin to withdraw a bit she would notice.  Now, the feeling is more obvious.  This makes sense.  Gracie was always with me.  She will always be with me now I would think, hope, want.  I'm just having a hard time recognizing because she's always here.  It's amazing how comfort is sent....I continue to be amazed.