June 2014 I year 2 months

Today has felt horrible.  I cried myself to sleep last night and completely unmotivated this morning, depressed, tired, etc. I've always looked forward to Summer and all year I've counted down the days until school is out...FOR WHAT?  WHY?  Gracie still isn't here.  Summer is not the same and I am just so sad.  I don't remember last Summer but I know I tied to do the same activities with the kids..plus I had the distraction and support of family and friends checking in on me which I don't have now.  I'm taking over Liv's soccer team and that adds a whole level of anxiety to my crazy.  I want all my kids here.  I want my Gracie back...I want the life I had before....I want the husband I had before....I want to be happy like I was before.  It's so unfair I have to settle for anything less.  It's exhausting, depressing, hopeless, meaningless.