Aug. 19, 2014 From Anger To Breakdown.

I had my first ever anxiety attack at work yesterday.  I felt overwhelmed in faculty meeting and felt like I was having a hard time breathing.  I left and as I walked back to my classroom I felt my arms going numb.  By the time I got to my room I had a difficult time breathing or thinking.  I went to get my phone and my arms and hands were numb.  I was able to call Jeremy but don't remember doing so.  I tried to explain how I was feeling but my thoughts were jumbled and he couldn't understand what I was saying but he said he would come get me.  I laid on the floor behind/under my desk not wanting to move or do anything.  I wanted a blanket but couldn't get my body to move to get one.  I felt so afraid to continue another day...fear of failing in any other aspect of my life, fear of what the day would bring if I got up off that floor, fear of judgement if anyone saw how pathetic and out of control I had become.  Next thing I knew, Jeremy was there.  I was unaware of the time that had passed from calling him until he arrived and I'm not sure how he got in my classroom. Did I open the door or did someone unlock it for him? I honestly don't know. He convinced me to move when he said we would go to the doctor.  Dr. DeVries was my therapist and he could help me.  After driving to his office and being told he could't see me until tomorrow I fell into despair.  I felt helpless against the emotions overtaking my body and soul, so intense and out of control resulting in me wanting to jump out of my skin and the moving car.  Jeremy got me home and I just wanted to be wrapped tight.  He wrapped me in a blanket, gave me a couple Xanax and I fell asleep.  He went back to the school to talk with the Principal about what had happened.  I'm still not sure what exactly was said or how he got my car home and haven't asked.  I saw Dr. DeVries today.  He explained my "episode" as if on an African Safari.  The Zebra grazes until a perceived threat.  Once a threat is felt or spotted, fight or flight kicks in and the Zebra advances to crisis.  I am never grazing (or at baseline).  I'm constantly in fight or flight and quick to crisis due to PTSD.  Work will certainly be a trigger and hearing about the new employee evaluation process during faculty meeting was what triggered it.  It helps to hear I'm "normal".  I'm a normal crazy person with PTSD, depression, and anxiety....situational... which I guess should make me feel better.  I just don't know how long I can continue to function through the crazy.