May 14, 2013 Pre-School Birthday

I had been to the preschool at the beginning of May and picked up a calendar to finish out the year.  I was relieved to see Gracie's birthday on the calendar.  Continuing events that were planned before Gracie died was so important to me.  Looking back almost 2 years later I realize it's because my mind could not accept she was not coming back.  Everything had to continue as planned so she would be there....and not just in spirit.  She had to see how much I wanted her here, how much everyone still wanted her here so she would chose Earth over Heaven.  Again, it's not rational....it's grief.  Teacher Misty said they wanted to still celebrate Gracie's birthday. 

Birthdays were a big deal at preschool and Gracie couldn't wait for hers.  On the first day of school, each Appleseed preschooler brought wrapped dollar gifts for each child in the preschool. Gracie and her dad wrapped 12 bottles of bubbles and wrote "From Gracie" on each.  She loaded them in her backpack and gave them to Teacher Misty the first day of school to be given to each child throughout the year on their birthday.  The birthday boy or girl would go home from preschool with a bag full of presents from each of their preschool friends and a birthday crown on their head.  Gracie was one of the youngest in the class and celebrated almost all her friends' birthdays.  She told me about each one and knew by now what each of the presents were. 

Gracie's birthday was to be celebrated May 16th due to graduation the following week.  I wanted to take some kind of treat for her friends.  I decided to give them a party favor bag of some of Gracie's favorite things.  I gave them the bags and got many hugs in return.  

Gracie loved balloons and had let one go when she was about 2.  Instead of crying she simply said, "There's my balloon."  Every time she would see a balloon or anything resembling a balloon after that she would say, "Yep, there's my balloon."  Misty wanted the kids to release balloons to Gracie for her birthday.  I felt like Gracie was still very much between Earth and the Spirit World and I feared her ever thinking she was forgotten.  I wanted her to know I simply would never accept she was gone.  I was grateful for those like Teacher Misty who helped me in my efforts to keep Gracie here.