So sad today I went and just sat at Gracie's grave. I felt a great peace there and thought about our time on earth and how short it really is in regards to eternity. I had the thought that when I return to the presence of my Heavenly Father I want him to say,"Well done thou good and faithful servant" as opposed to "you really didn't handle that well." Came home to a great visit with a friend and Reeses shake from one of my young women. Thank you for helping me bear this burden.
What I did not share in my FB post for the sake of space and fear was that I was sobbing as I expressed to God the pain in my heart. I sat at Gracie's grave (which was still just a mound of dirt) and cried. I pleaded that this was just not happening and somehow I could have my Gracie with me again. I could not endure the pain of knowing I would have to live the rest of my life without Gracie. It was too much to take and I felt as though I was suffocating. It was then that the thought came to me..."This is but a small moment.... you can do this" followed by a feeling of comfort. I had such a strong desire at that point to do well. I didn't want to enter the afterlife with regrets of my performance in this life. I had never comprehended the idea of this life in comparison with eternity but for that moment, it was clear. Our time on Earth was nothing when compared to what was to come.....and I didn't want to mess that up. I wanted Gracie, my Heavenly Father, and all those cheering me on from the other side of the veil to be proud of me.
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