April 7, 2013 Preparing for Gracie's Funeral

On April 5th I had called the mortuary.  Curtis Smout was the former director of the Student Service Center at SLCC when I was a Student Body Officer there. He retired from SLCC and was working at Myer's Mortuary in Ogden. I knew he would help me with whatever I needed.  I called him in the hospital and let him know the situation.  He said to call him when Gracie passed and he would take care of everything.  I don't know at what point I called him but he came to our house and sat down with us with a folder of information we would need.  We first needed to decide where Gracie would be laid to rest.  Then I needed to write the obituary. 

I took Jeremy to Ben Lomond cemetery.  We had never decided where either of us would be buried.  He wanted Clarkston and I didn't know.  I grew up in South Jordan but it's not home now.  After seeing the cemetery he was comfortable with getting a plot there for Gracie and the two of us.  They wanted the money right then. 

We then went to meet with Curtis at Myers Mortuary on Washington and 12th street in Ogden.  Again, they wanted half down for a deposit.  We had taken out a loan to start to finish the basement and this was the money we had to use.  We had small life insurance policies through both our works but how do we access those?  I needed the money now!  I had no idea how much medical would be.  I had called on that too while in the hospital but nobody could give me a set answer on anything.  We had 10,000 in basement money and we had just burned through half that in 1 day of funeral preparation.  Someone said a memorial fund had been set up but it was in someone else's name and I didn't have access to that money. 

Jeremy and Izsak would need suits, Gracie needed a dress, Viola needed a dress.  Liv had one from Easter she could wear.  The newspapers needed money for the obituary and we had to pay for flowers. I couldn't even stop to process what had happened because I was so overwhelmed with funeral preparations, trying to take care of my 2 grieving children, husband, and trying to nurse a 4 week old in the process.

We were sitting at a fast food restaurant when I saw a newspaper sitting on the table.  Then I heard someone at the next table.  It was our story but it was reported wrong.  They said Gracie was on a rope swing.  I didn't want Olivia to hear. I didn't know what to do.  Do I talk with the news?  Do I let them interview us?  I didn't want anyone to ask Olivia anything or make her feel this was her fault.  I didn't care they reported it wrong.  It protected her.  I couldn't deal with that now. 

Carol asked if I needed anything from Costco.  I needed a white dress for Gracie and diapers for Vi.  I had never asked for help or would have accepted this offer but I knew my limitations and I knew I needed help when it was offered.  Carol came over with the diapers and dress and I was struggling with the video for the funeral.  She stayed to help me.  Colleen came over with Kelly.  They went and got me a slip and nylons and a dress for Vi.  Natalie dropped off an outfit for me for the viewing, Kari brought over clothes for me to chose for the funeral, Camille took care of the decorations for the luncheon, the Relief Society took care of the food.  All of this I was adamant I had the final say in.  Nothing was to be done without my approval.  If there were questions, I was to be called.  I didn't want anyone else making decisions for the funeral of my daughter.  This was my final tribute to my daughter and no decision was to be made without me.