Jeremy and I received the most wonderful letter from an equally wonderful woman in the mail today. Her words and thoughts brought me to tears and I so appreciated her for it. However, at the end of the letter she felt the need to state,"I hope I have not offended." This broke my heart that she would have to question what she was obviously prompted to write. Several others have also expressed not knowing what to say or do. I understand this because I too struggled to know what to say or do when I knew someone who had suffered a loss. I just want to express that I am rarely offended by what people do or say to try to comfort me. Even if it's not what I need to hear at that time I understand the intent of their hearts. I am only offended when people do or say nothing.
This was my attempt to let family members know I need for them to talk with me and communicate with me more often than what they did before Gracie passed away. I needed to feel connected to people and needed the constant reassurance that we were supported, not blamed, thought of, cared about, loved, etc. In my mind, I still felt that someone would be able to take this pain away. If I had an issue or problem before, I could talk with the right person and solve the problem. I've had a hard time accepting that I can't fix this. The problem is, what I needed was for people to step out of their comfort zones in regards to their relationships with me and it just isn't possible for them. It's not their child who died; their lives hadn't changed so their relationship or interactions with others (me) wouldn't have changed. In fact, over the past 2 years my interactions with family has become less. Some have expressed not knowing what to say or do when I'm there and I suppose it just makes them uncomfortable...I don't have the energy or desire to help them feel comfortable.
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