May 21, 2013 Silent Prayer

May 21, 2013 I posted to Facebook:
Yesterday I cried all morning and finally knelt in prayer asking for comfort and to ease the burden. During the morning our cousin Jill Malmberg Schofield heard a still small voice whisper, "Get off your butt and go visit Rebecca." She did! So great to have her be the answer to my prayer!

May 21, 2013 My Journal Entry:
Before I write another thing...look at entry Jan. 13, 2008.  I just found this entry while searching for proof that somehow I knew this would be my trial in life.  I thought somewhere I had a feeling that maybe I wrote about it.  I had completely forgotten about this experience and now the parallels are astounding.  

What I didn't post on Facebook was that somewhere in mine and Jill's conversation I started thinking I must have had some indication I would lose a child.  A scene flashed in my mind that I had been trying to ignore.  Not long before Gracie's accident I was driving down North Plain City Road and looked back in my rear-view mirror to see Gracie in her car seat.  As I looked at her I felt such overwhelming love for her.  Life felt so great, I was so happy, and she was so perfect, so angelic.  I enjoyed her so absolutely and completely....always.  The thought had entered my mind, "Life is so great and she is too perfect to be on this earth."  I quickly regretted my thoughts and dismissed it as being a paranoid mother yet still found myself giving a silent prayer asking Heavenly Father to never take her from me.  I then convinced myself that the miscarriage of twins I had January 2012 was the only loss of a child I would have to endure.  I wondered if I had written about the experience on North Plain City Road that day or possibly any others.  I have kept a journal since Olivia was born so I started looking back through my entries.  My heart stopped when I read an entry from January 13, 2008.  Not only did I have a couple dreams where one of my children would die, Jeremy had too.  
(See THE DREAM-January 13, 2008)