I've started seeing a counselor and he said I'm very healthy despite what George might think. (George told the family that Jeremy was handling this better than I was.)
It's an emotional roller coaster but tonight I've pinpointed something. If people didn't do it or say it the week of the funeral, they shouldn't do it or say it to me now. I'm no further emotionally now as I was then. If anything I'm worse. The Becker's chose names for Christmas for the cousins but left Gracie out. I wasn't there because I was at Young Women in Excellence. Live and Izsak came home with the slips. I was shocked and congratulated myself on not going because I would've broken down and made it uncomfortable for them all. Would they have done this the week or even month following the funeral? Then they shouldn't do it now according to my emotions. I was so sad they left Gracie out. I stewed for a few days and finally called Angie. I came up with a plan for the Gracie ornament tree. We'll see how it goes over the years but I just need her to be part still. They had the Primary Program and were so considerate regarding Gracie's involvement. I read her part, her picture was up at the front with her class and we wore pink ribbons. It was hard but it would've been harder to not have her be part. I know the family doesn't know what to do but they just need to ask me, but they don't.
I'm having more anxiety but I hope the counselor will help with that. I worry that I can't show adequate love to my other kids because of my love and grief for Gracie is all consuming.
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