Last Saturday they had a baby shower for Jeremy's niece. The sister was in town but only communicated with Jeremy via text. Jeremy had a busy weekend with work and Church but I was home. She didn't call me which indicates she's either afraid or doesn't care to see me. Either way it hurts. The last communication I've had with her was when she sent me that text at Thanksgiving. I'm sorry my emotions make them so uncomfortable. I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 years. I'm so hurt they planned the shower for the weekend I asked them not to, it's Gracie's Angel Anniversary. I felt selfish for even asking but they had several weekends to choose from and I asked that it not be this one. I just couldn't go not being able to anticipate the emotional landmines I might encounter.
I'm sitting here feeling emotions hitting so hard. Two years ago on a Thursday evening I left for soccer and came home to a nightmare. The nightmare has continued for 2 years.
I've been trying to process what has bothered me about Jeremy's family. I used to have a relationship with them. I was the one they called. I was the one they would communicate with but that has all changed. For 15 years, I was that person but because my behavior over the past 2 years or the couple times (because it's only been a couple) they've interacted with me have been uncomfortable they have withdrawn and will only talk with Jeremy. At the time I need their support the most, they withdraw. Jeremy doesn't understand why it upsets me so much. He doesn't understand that I need them to try harder. I don't understand why I have to get over it and be more understanding of them and how I make them feel. Their child didn't die, they aren't the ones whose lives were turned upside-down. They just aren't supportive or strong enough to handle being my support. They aren't strong enough for this which is I guess why this didn't happen to them.
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