After I wrote last, David (Jeremy's brother) called and invited us for Family Home Evening with the family...the whole Becker family. Monday night. I was actually happy he called and happy to reconnect with everyone.
I started feeling anxious but thought I didn't need to be......until we arrived. Although I thought we were early, everyone else had arrived and seemed to have been settled for some time. What time had they all arrived? What had they been talking about....that answer was evident as soon as we walked in. When we walked in I felt very much "On Stage".
Last time I was at David and Valerie's they had a picture of Gracie on their accent table (the one I handed out at the funeral). I felt better knowing she would be represented there. When we walked into the family room I looked at the table and her picture wasn't there. Instead it was replaced with a holy shrine for her missionary sons. I tried to not let it get to me but where it was there before and gone now was very hard. Where was it? I was fixated on that for the night and it was burning a hole in my gut. What if Gracie peaked in at this FHE and thought we had all moved on. Her picture was gone and 2 people there had called Vi, "Gracie" which made them all more uncomfortable than it made us. What would entice Gracie to stay or want to be part if everyone has just moved on and forgotten her? I can't ask where the picture is. What if they no longer have it? Or what if they think I'm making it all about me? George has already said I make everyone uncomfortable. I decided to just ask George to let the family know that if they no longer feel comfortable or no longer want to have those framed pictures of Gracie I had them take home from the funeral they can give them to him and he will get them back to me. I hate to think of them just sitting in a closet somewhere when I don't feel I have enough of her around my house.
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