We went to Florida for our first "Angel Trip". I can't even talk about it without crying because I hate that we did a trip like that without Gracie. I know her spirit was with us but it's just not what I want. I want her here. She would've loved it. I'm glad we went because we were forced to leave the hotel and go play with the kids. It was hard but I don't regret going. Vi did great on the plane despite an ear infection, teething, and shots two days before. She loves people and says, "Hi" to everyone. The rest is babble but she knows exactly what she's saying. There was a gentleman sitting next to us on the plane and she made his day. She kept trying to take his phone. She would stand next to him, on the seat in between us, tilt her head so she could force him to look into her eyes, hold out her hand and say, "Hi." She wanted his phone. He was texting his wife about her because she was just too adorable.
It was the kids' first time on a plane and they were so excited. They thought we were going to Park City until we pulled up to the airport so they were a little overwhelmed and my attention was on getting them on the plane. I cried when the plane took off, feeling as though we were leaving Gracie behind. How can I be happy in these moment with my children who are living when my heart is breaking for the child who died? How unfair that moments that used to bring (and should bring) pure joy and complete happiness are now intertwined with heartache and misery.
I kept my focus on the kids and Jeremy. I love that we were "Forced" to move and have fun. I loved being on the roller-coasters because it genuinely made me happy for that moment. The kids loved the trip and didn't notice the sorrow and misery Jeremy and I were feeling ....mission accomplished!
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