Saturday, April 18, 2015

June 13, 2013 Journal Entry (2 months)

A  smile used to mean I was happy.  Laughing used to mean life was great.  Now a smile will never mean I am happy because I'm not and laughing won't mean life is great because it will never be again.  I know I should be glad, happy, grateful for my other children and I am.  But being glad, happy grateful for them does not take away the pain, sorrow, misery, and void from Gracie's death.  I am so sad.  

My journal entries were more honest than my posts to Facebook.  I feared if I were too negative on Facebook I would lose support.  It took me about 18 months to realize what a false sense of support Facebook was for me and that I needed to be honest about how I felt.  I needed to be able to feel what I needed when I needed to without judgement.  If not, I would only feel worse....and didn't think that was possible.

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